What is your problem?

I used to think that my problem was that I don't know what I want. But, my real problem is that I know exactly what I want, and I don't have it. I want to be happy, and I'm not. I want to write, and I don't. I want things to be okay, and they're not. I feel like I am a complete dissapointment to my family and friends. I know this isn't what they want. If I were my parents, I wouldn't want me. I just see myself as this huge mess who can't figure things out. And, what really gets me are the people who tell me I'm not in the right to feel this way. It's like when I was in highschool and told my friend Katy I wanted to kill myself. She said that i just shouldn't feel that way because I had everything going for me. I don't care who you are or anything, you are dserving of your feelings. And, so am I.

I don't want to kill myself. I'm over that for the moment. If God wanted me, I would have died when I was born three months early. There was a 70% chance I wouldn't make it. I just wish He would let me in the secret of why I'm here. That would help.

Side by Side by Side by Side

This is what I've been learning over the past week or so - Everyday, people are forced to take sides. Often about little, trivial things that, in the long run, won't even matter. I'm not talking about making choices. I choose things - like soup or salad - each day. I'm talking about when people are made to choose one way or the other when they probably could care less either way. I hate being forced to decide between two things or people or some dumb little incident that really DOESN'T MATTER. So, my thing is - I don't take sides - not on minor little things that people do or say. If people want to vent when they're upset about something, that's cool and I'll listen. But, don't expect me to automatically agree or disagree. If it's not my issue, I don't have to take a side, and I won't. I don't see the point. And also, don't get mad at me when all I want to do is be there for you and listen. Don't get mad when I don't want to take a side. Trust me - if it's a big issue and I agree, I'll back you. But, if its just something that really won't matter in the long run, don't expect me to take a side. With all of the sides people are taking, you think that you'd have a complete person. But, honestly, the people who take sides all the time, even (and especially) on little trivial things, are often the most incomplete. They can't put all of those little sides together to form a whole person.

Basically, people need to relax. And, not take things so personally. Maybe people need to consider what really matters, and not get so strung out on little things that, ten years from now, won't have any bearing on who they are or who they have become.